Second Chance

I would say the usual stuff about why I have not blogged in many months but it is always the same. Work, Family, LIFE; no matter how hard I try to slow it down or how well intentioned I am at keeping in touch with others, TIME races away and it is replaced with should-of's, would-of's and could-of's. Sometimes I feel like I am in a bad dream. I can see these important moments passing in front of me but I am paralysed and I cannot move fast enough to catch them. As they fade into the vacuum of the past I say to myself, "I should have taken a picture of that", or I physically try to burn the memory in my brain by staring hard as if I am actually taking a picture of the moment with my eyes. My son's probably wonder "why is dad looking at me so weird" but I don't care. I have done so much more of this since Kevin's passing. I try to pay closer attention to these fleeting moments when normal life seems to transcend and you realize that the little things are what matter the most. A smile from your wife, a kiss and hug from your child, the laughter of your friends.

Kevin comes flooding back to me in my memories as fast and exciting as he was in life. God, I miss him! I can honestly say that I think of him all the time and he has helped me through one of the most difficult years of my life both personally and professionally. He has guided my decisions about business, money, and jobs by reminding me that life is more important than any of these. While training for and running a half marathon in June, I felt him running with me and pushing me to run longer/faster just like he did during wrestling practice in high school. I could hear him yelling "Come ON Hispannick! Good JOB!".

So as I sit here this Saturday morning watching cartoons with my kids and reading about the St. Peter kid at the State High School Wrestling Tournament, Kevin is with me again. He is giving me a stiff slap on the back and reminding me to pay attention to the laughter of my boys, to give my wife a kiss, and to call his mom and dad to say HI (which I will!!).

I am thankful for everything I have and I am grateful for my time with Kevin on this earth. His spirit has watched over me and guided me. Memories of him have defeated the odds and come back to me out of the vacuum of TIME. I have been given a second chance to have a friendship with him and I thank God for this.

Nate